My loss of anonymity...

I have come to the conclusion that the reason I dislike my current locality has to do with the none-existence of anonymity.  While it is an area of roughly 100,000 folks or so, the "six-degrees-of-separation" phenomena is in full force.  Everyone knows your childhood friends from 400 miles away and everyone who works at the university knows your supervisor, or the former administrators and continue to still know the "gossip" of your specific department.  In the end, it leaves no element of anonymity in place.

You run to the store for a half-gallon of milk in your yoga pants and Uggs, and of course, (much to your dismay...) run into a friend (and neighbor).  I have to wonder why I can't run into people I know well when I'm looking presentable.

Alas, once college is through, we will move to a more populous region and enjoy living in anonymous bliss.  I look forward to those days greatly.

Our neighbors are moving out soon.  Hallelujah!  My gratitude is credited to their extremely hypocritical ideas about living in small quarters.  Whatever their neighbors do is too loud and bothersome to them, but nevermind them doing laundry at all hours of the night over someone's bedroom.  Or that their dog runs across the hardwood floor quite frequently, disturbing those below -- but ours is chewing on her bone too loudly.  Fortunately, our landlord is quite possibly the most amazing landlord in history.  We have lived here for 2.5 years now, so she knows our habits and knows what kind of noise level we actually produce.

I find it interesting that they started to complain about their neighbors as soon as my husband returned from deployment.  I think that was the damned of it that I was so irritated about.  A guy comes back from deployment (and the months of training beforehand) and his neighbors greet him with complaints about noise?  What kind of people do that?

I think they don't like us because we're not Christians, but I don't really care anymore, either.  All they effectively did was get my stress level up and cause me to severely dislike them.  The rest of the tenants in our building are really laid back, kind, nice people.  I like that, and that is the good in the situation.

Today I am going to get some fabric and make a hooded scarf (in the idea of American Apparel's hooded scarf, but I know I can make that on my machine at home very easily, so I can't bring my-very-frugal-self to pay $22.00 for it...).  If it turns out okay, I will post pictures.  If it doesn't, then I will buy AA's version.  LOL

I am dreaming of big cities today, exposed brick walls, and steam rising from manhole covers in the roads as people walk by.  As soon as the husband is finished with his degree, this will be a reality!  No more rural existence in non-anonymous solitude. I will be able to be who I really am, instead of this watered down version of the very eccentric me.

Dreaming big, huh?!

"How can a body withstand this?"

To love life, to love it even when you have no
stomach for it, and everything you've held
dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat,
thickening the air, heavy as water,
more fit for gills than lungs;
When grief weights you like your own flesh,
only more of it, an obesity of grief,

You think, 'How can a body withstand this?'

Then you hold life like a face, between your palms,
a plain face, no charming smile, or violet eyes,
and you say, 'Yes, I will take you, I will love you again.'

- Ellen Bass♥